Lyndsey Dayle

So.. Reader. I told you a couple blogs ago that I was going to inform you of my friend Lyndsey.

Lyndsey Dayle Wehrkamp was probably the greatest person I have EVER had the pleasure of meeting. In my whole life. Everything about her is amazing.
I met Lyndsey in the 7th grade. I never really knew her considering she was a grade older than me. And you know.. Back in those middle school days.. You never really talk to 8th graders unless you're like.. ultra cool :) Which I was not :) hahaha. So, 7th grade was a real rough year for me. In middle school it seems as though you're trying to find yourself a lot. And the drama in middle school is inevitable and pointless. Anywho, all my "friends" had decided they no longer wanted to be my friends. Then lunch time came around and again.. you know in middle school. If you don't sit by twenty people at lunch.. You're just considered not cool. Or a loser. Or whatever those kids call it today. So, I got my lunch. Sat at an empty table near a side so it wasn't so completely obvious I was a loser. I sat there and started eating my lunch by myself when all the sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and remember looking at Lyndsey thinking "Man, she is gorgeous. Why is she tapping me on the shoulder?" I looked hesitantly at her thinking she wanted me to move or something. But she put her tray down and asked me "Mind if I sit with you?" I said "Sure." Then she looked at me and said "You can eat with me anytime." After that.. It was like an instant click for us. We ended up exchanging numbers after school that day and we were friends. Just like that. Middle School years passed. High School had begun and I remember texting her about how scared I was to start high school. She told me it was way easier than middle school by far. There was one time I recall I was with her and I was really down on my appearance. Telling her about my insecurities on how fat and ugly I am. She then looked me straight in the eye and said "Kayla, you are so beautiful. And don't let anyone ever tell you different." A few tears were shed that day. Then I'd always tell her about my massive crush on her brother, Bryan. Ahhh, I will declare it to you reader. Bryan WILL be my future husband ;) hahaha! You wish I was joking! I'm not. Hahaha, it just will nevvvvvvvvver happen :/ Anyways, I always told Lynds about my crush on him and her reply.. "Shoot, if he wasn't my brother.. I'd date him!" Typical of her :)
So time went on. Now let's jump to October 31st, 2008. We had school on Halloween.(Personally, I think we shouldn't have school on that day.) She had physical science a period before me. She had it 7th. I had it 8th. We usually met at this old dented locker for a few seconds throughout the day or at the end of the day. Just to say hi and talk for a few before we started texting stories to each other :) So back to October 31st.. She had left her Speech book in Mr. Trout's class. A desk in front of mine. Weird, right? lol. Anyways, she got it. And after science was over. She texted me later that day. She was saying how we were going to go to the park the following week. (By the way, October 31st was a Friday.) Lynds was headed to a cabin with her dad, if I remember correctly, and she was planning on going hunting. But then.. November 1st rolled around. That day I got messages I never thought I'd receive. Lyndsey Dayle Wehrkamp was gone. She was no longer alive. I didn't believe it that day. I thought everyone had the wrong girl. And everyone was just wrong. I mean.. It's Lyndsey. She's not gone. But then the prayer service and funeral service came along. And it all hit me. She was gone. Forever. (From Earth, that is.) It's still hard to swallow to this very day. Because I wish I could just send her a text message or call her or give her a hug. But I can't. Not yet at least. I write to her a lot. On a Facebook wall and also in notebooks I have that help me. I also talk to her mom, Evangel, whenever I can. That lady is AHHHHH-MAZING. I talk to her dad, Scott, every now and then as well. When I get a free moment. Her brother Bryan... flkajsdl;fkjaslkdjflaskdf. Future husband! :) I swear, amazingness just runs in their family. It's insane. I know I won't be able to see her physically right now at the moment and I still have those nights where I get really angry and want her back. I want her back everyday and I think about her a lot but I know I will see her again. In Heaven. Just not today. I miss you Lynds and I love you sooooo much, babe!
May17th,1993-November1st,2008.
I will see you again, babygirl! Just remember that.
(Reader, watch this and you will understand what I mean about her beauty. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI1JfiG-Dd4)
God Bless.
xo, Kayla

A Quick Jult of Energy Got To Me.. So I Blogged

You know how there are just those people who can effect you? You know.. the ones you can just talk to and never get bored? That just understand everything you're going through completely? It's like you're both the same.. Just in different ways. That's how I am with my friend Sam and my other friend Mandy. They both are such amazing people. Sam... Well, I can't even put into words on how great Sam is. He was there with me through some of my roughest times. I wouldn't be here without him. He has impacted me more than he realizes. I compliment him all the time on his amazingness. I could go on and on and on and on about him. Like no joke. Then, there's Mandy. She's great as well. She's gone through similar stuff as well. So we just sorta relate. She's gorgeous as well. One of the most gorgeous girls I've seen. Just like Lyndsey Wehrkamp. I will write a blog all on Lyndsey later on. She's amazing. Along with Lyndsey, Sam and Mandy have changed me. They have qualities that are just beyond amazing. I keep saying amazing and great and those words aren't even suitable for them. All three of them have been through so much. And are exactly like me in completely unrelated ways. It sounds odd and probably doesn't make sense. But they are great. I just thought I'd blog late at night about how great these people are. I'll write about Lyndsey soon so that you can understand where I'm coming from because in all honesty.. I'll probably talk about that beautiful girl a lot. I miss you girl! As my headache progresses and my eyes start to slowly shut.. I think sleep is something I need right now. I'd hate to have bags under my eyes that people could put their groceries in.
Goodnight fellow reader.
And.
God Bless. :)
xo, Kayla

Fading Summer

Here's to the nights where the sand is your seat,
the waves kiss your feet, your friends outnumber the stars,
and even on the chilliest of nights, there's always a warmth you feel :)

Ahhh, Summer 2010. It seems so insane to be saying.. right now.. It's Summer of 2010. Maybe its just because 2010 seems so futuristic. Ya know? It's just like when you think of 2020. (If we make it to that year.) Have you seen 2012? We're supposed to die. The world will end. On the 21st of December. Hahah. You know.. I really hope on December 21st of 2012.. I can sit and watch 2012 and just laugh a lot.

I really love summer. It's just when you can sit back and relax. Not worry about the stress that comes with each year of school. And personally my favorite.. The drinking of lemonade. Ahh, the taste of lemonade is THEEEEE most satisfying taste in the world. It makes my tummy do flip-flops of joy! Mmmm, I'm going to get some after I post this :) But once you feel like you're finally enjoying your summer.. You wake up(usually around noon. hahahahah! kidding) to realize what the date is. Its the 20th of July. School starts in less than a month. And I sit and ponder on where in the heck Summer 2010 went.
I was recently listening to a song called So Long Sweet Summer by Dashboard Confessional. And part the song goes.. "So long sweet summer(So long sweet summer). I fell into you. Now you're gracefully falling away." Ahhh, it's sad to know it's coming to an end. And now fall is coming. Not that I hate fall or anything. I just love summer so much more. Everything about it. So, I guess with these final three and a half weeks.. I'll enjoy it to the fullest and soak up as much sun as I can. And anxiously await for the Summer of 2011. :)
God Bless.
xo, Kayla

A Secret Now Revealed

But the Lord is with me as a dread warrior;
therefore my persecutors will stumble;
they will not overcome me.
They will be greatly shamed,
for they will not succeed.
Their eternal dishonor
will never be forgotten.

-Jeremiah 20:11

That verse means so much to me. It can relate to any difficult time you go through. It's a verse I read anytime life is taking it's toll on me. There's a story for me behind that verse. I would tell you about it, but it's real personal. Sorry :/ I suppose it's just me being insecure and also a tad skeptic of sharing all of this on a public site. Maybe one day I will share the story with you, reader.
....Maybe I should tell you the story...? I'm now debating if I should. Ehhhh. Ahhhh. Mmmmm. I don't know.. It brings tears to my eyes. I'm going to do it. I'm not scared. (Maybe just a tad, but shhh.. don't tell.)
Just a warning, this is going to be a LONG-ish blog. Hope you're in a comfortable spot. If not, I suggest you get comfortable :)
Here it goes:

I remember the day like it was yesterday. May 9th. A Sunday. I love Sundays. But not this one. Things were just not going my way for a good amount of time. I was going through a lot at the time. Problems starting back to January that kept spiraling. From the moment I woke up the day was not good. It was a spiral effect of things that were going wrong. And then having this bad day just added onto it. I was not in a Godly mood for a Sunday. I had lost all faith in God. He wasn't helping me. He wasn't there. He didn't care about me. He enjoyed watching me suffer. And I was so done with Him at the time.

The next day... (sighing).. May 10th. I planned it on this very Monday. I didn't talk to anyone that day. No close friends. Nothing. I went through my day without a sound. I tried blending into the pale walls our school consists of. (I guess that's not really at all possible considering I'm "tan".) I eventually talked to one person when I got home from school but barely. Sam. He's a very great friend of mine. I talked about him once before in a previous blog. Sam talked while I responded as minimal as possible. He knew something was up. I stopped talking to him once he got suspicious. I ignored texts. I ignored phone calls. Eventually having me shut off my phone.

Then the night fell. (Man, I'm getting chills and my heart is beating fast as my fingers type these words.) I started that night off cutting. I'm not a "cutter". I've only done it twice and after May 10th.. I have never nor will I ever do that again. That night being the worst, obviously. After that was over.. I went to my room. I was finishing all my plans. As the time finally starting flying... 11.25pm rolled around. That is when I got a piece of paper out. I wrote. A lot. To Sam and only him. Exactly an hour before my plan would finally take action. I wrote and wrote. Tears were falling. My wrists weren't in great shape. I was shaking uncontrollably. My stomach was in knots. Everything hurt. But that didn't stop me. I finally finished all my writing around 12.15am. It was getting closer to the time.. way close. My heart beat a thousand miles a minute. As the time started ticking away, I knew.. it was time. I was ready to leave. I didn't want to stay any longer. It was 12.23am. 120 seconds until I could feel as though I would be in a weird sense "free".

I tripped. It scared me. But what did I trip over...? Nothing more than.. My Bible which was opened up to a verse. The one you recently saw above, but I'll restate it.

But the Lord is with me as a dread warrior;
therefore my persecutors will stumble;
they will not overcome me.
They will be greatly shamed,
for they will not succeed.
Their eternal dishonor
will never be forgotten.

-Jeremiah 20:11

I sat there and cried. I cried for a long time. A very long time. I didn't get any sleep that night. And I had school the next morning. After I read that verse... something changed in me. Almost as if everything I had doubted had now been restored. I can't put it into earthly words. I may sound cliche but it's the honest truth. Since that day.. I have cherished God with all my heart. I thought my faith used to be strong but now.. Now, it's been at an all time high. I still have my nights where I get frustrated with the Lord but I've been grateful to never experience a night like that ever. And I honestly pray all the time that I never hit the rock bottom that I felt then. God is the most amazing person in the world. And you know what.. I honestly don't mind if I'm single for the rest of my life. Why you ask...? I have four guys who will ALWAYS love me. God, Jesus, my father and my brother. And I've realized that's all I need.

So, that's my story. I'm not really sure how to end this. But that's it. My heart is still beating extremely fast given the fact that only two people know about this story. Thinking of me differently is hopefully not a current thought in your mind.
Thank you for reading, wonderful reader.
God Bless.
xo, Kayla

Ahh, Parents.

Parents. You gotta love them right...? They supply you with food, shelter and all the basic needs. Plus a little bit more I suppose ;) hahaha. Mmm, I do enjoy all that they do. But sometimes.. I don't know about them. They confuse all teens in the United States. Maybe it's partially our fault too. Us, teens, we strive for just a little more freedom. And our parents seem to not want to budge. It's difficult on both ends. But once you start getting towards the age of 18.. (let's say 16) I think they should ease up a little. Don't you? Especially when it comes to making your own decisions. I know we(teens) are not considered adults yet.. But by the age of 16 or 17 decisions should be able to be made. Not every decision but at least maybe half. Ughhh, it's just frustrating. Sometimes.. it's like they want to protect us from the world all the time. And not let us out of their sight. I know it's difficult letting go of a child but everyone has to do it sometime. If we don't fail and make mistakes.. it'll be a much more painful experience when we're older. Agreed or no? I also don't like that once people find out your age.. they automatically judge you. Thinking your too immature or something. That bugs me beyond belief. But not gonna lie.. I wish I was a tad older. Haha. Maybe 4 or 5 years. Mmm, yes please. But then again, that would be wishing my life away. And life is already too short as is. Right...? I thought so. I guess I love how parents are always trying to look out for us.. It shows that they care. But other times.. They just need to bend a little and give us some more freedom. Am I wrong? Ahhh, I guess I won't understand how they feel until I am finally a parent in this crazy, fast paced world.

Waiting for food :)

Well, I'm sitting here. Listening to Mayday by The Icarus Account while wearing an Avian Sunrise shirt...? Hahaha, ah. I guess that's fine. By the way, if you've NEVER heard of either one of those bands.. You MUST check them out. They are both two bands who make me appreciate music to the fullest. I suppose it's an added bonus considering they're cute too ;) Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm waiting for food to be made. We're having this amazing orange chicken. Yeah, reader, I'm sure you don't really care. Unless you're hungry. But then you may not like chicken that happens to be orange. Making you not care again. You know.. I want to be one of those people that just has a way with their words. Like my friend Sam. Ahh, he's an amazing writer. I could boast about him all day. He's on the list of amazing people that I've had the pleasure of meeting. I wonder who reads these...? I mean I know some people can follow you and read them but what about the ones that just read this and don't follow you? Well, whatever the case.. I want it to feel like I'm writing to just you, reader. Not more than one person. Actually to be honest, I'd be surprised if more than one person read this. Haha. Here comes my HIGH self-esteem. Gahh, I really need to work on it. Mmm, I will try to work on it as much as possible. So.. I was wanting some Skittles a couple nights ago. You know their slogan "Taste the rainbow"? Well, whoever invented that is not really bright. I mean.. Not that I know what a rainbow tastes like but I'm pretty sure blue is included in the rainbow and in the Original Skittles.. there are NO blue. Liars? I think so. Ahh, ya see. I just write nonsense. But I will write better, dearest reader. I promise. They just may not sound interesting right now. Apologies. A better blog will come. Maybe later tonight. :)
xo, Kayla

Welcome To The Start

So.. I've never really done blogs before. I'm not sure what I'm even suppose to write about. I guess anything, right? I've always been compelled when an audience is listening.. So here it goes. I'm not going to go vent about ALL my problems just because that would be a long tedious novel for you to read. So you can thank me for saving you the trouble of reading it.
Now, this tab key is not working properly so, apologies for not having indentations. I guess it doesn't really matter much, right? Mmm, I thought so. Anyways, let's get acquainted. Hi, I'm Kayla. I'm a high school student. Yeah, yeah, yeah. High school, ah. It's a joy.. filled with drama, boys, homework and teachers. Some seeming as though they have a chip on their shoulder. But c'mon.. you have to cut the teachers some slack. I mean.. they deal with teens who walk around like they know so much more than these people who have lived on the planet double.. maybe even triple the amount these kids have.
So.. the name of this blog is called "Sunshine & Rain". The meaning behind it? Well, I'm a HUGE fan of this band called The Icarus Account. Shout-out Ty and Trey if you happen to be reading this. (Doubt it.) Anyways, they have a song called Sunshine and Rain and when I heard it, I was just in love with the song. It's so beautiful. But I didn't choose the name for mainly that reason. Their song is about love. But to me.. I think about life. And all the ups and downs it brings you. Sunshine being the happy part and Rain being the sad part of life. Ya see how that works..? It may not work in your eyes, reader. But it works in mine :)
A few things you'll notice about me.. One, I have a lot to say. All the time. About everything. I have an opinion to every little thing. It may get annoying. But I warned you. So, it's no longer on my conscience. Two, my self-esteem is a tad low which gets REALLY REALLY annoying. Again, I warned you. Third, I'm very impatient. Haha, ahhh! I bet you're loving my amazing qualities. Anywho, now that we sorta are familiar with each other.. I think I'm going to go. This already a long blog for the first one. And if I don't stop.. I will keep on blabbing. Thanks reader for taking time to view this. I will write to you again :)
xo, Kayla