Hey reader.
I seem to never blog anymore. I feel like I've lost you. Like my words no longer satisfy your eyes.
So, an incident happened about 2 and a half weeks ago that almost cost me my whole college career. It's crazy. I mean.. I was innocent in the situation and so were a few others but the guilty person got off the hook and somehow turned it around. Isn't it funny how the people that deserve rain receive the most sunshine? Maybe that's not always true in every scenario but I was mind boggled when I realized the person that was guilty was being looked at as innocent. Now I'm in a big financial struggle. Everything is just piling up on me. I don't get as many hours at work anymore which means less income which means a tighter fight to pay all these bills that just won't stop.
I just got back from the gym. I did Zumba for an hour, then did weights, abs and finally cardio. The whole time I was on the treadmill, I was focused on the two buttons. The start button and the stop button. I tend to only run for 10 minutes (I know, it's pathetic) and then walk for five minutes and then run for 10 and so on; however, this time at the gym, I just ran for thirty minutes. I didn't even know I was running for that long until someone gave me a hug while I was running and said "Damn, working hard I see." I snapped out of this weird state I was in and looked at the time which read 30 minutes and 28 seconds. I had ran 7 and a half miles and had burned a numerous amount of calories. I sat there, not in awe, but in a state of deep thought. I realized how easy it can be to just hit the STOP button and not have to run any longer. To end the process of running. It's simple. If things get to difficult and you don't want to run anymore, the stop button is always there but you have the choice to keep running or to just stop. I guess I related it to my current situation. Lately, I've felt alone. Completely and utterly alone. I've wanted to just hit the stop button on life and not do it anymore. It's an easy task just like the treadmill. If I get tired, I can just cheat myself and stop or I can sit there and push through it. I noticed another thing. The speed and the incline. Many people, when using the treadmill, do one of two things: have the incline pretty high up and tread through it or even run while others have a high speed and no incline whatsoever. This also relates. Many times people are speeding through life and taking the easy way out of things and once situations get hard, like turning the incline up to 9 and attempting to run it, they give up and hit STOP. This time at the gym, when I ran for 30 minutes, I had my incline at 6 and my speed at 5.6, which may or may not seem difficult for you and usually it's very difficult for me, but today, not so much. But the weird thing is, after you push through all that hard work on the treadmill, you're proud of yourself. You compliment yourself on how you did it, whether you ran for 30 minutes or 5 minutes. You feel like you made a difference. Like you pushed yourself further than previous times.
I've had a bad past few days and I'm still trying to throw on a smile through it all but sometimes once you cover up your hurt for so long, it starts to build up and today I guess I released it out at the gym because I felt like a new person as I took my first steps out into the icy air from the gym. It's weird how while I was working out, I was thinking about all of this. I was in a weird state of mind the whole time at the gym this evening. People would talk to me and it's like I had no idea what they were saying but somehow I responded. Does that make sense, reader? If not, I apologize. I'm just babbling.
I hope things are good with you, reader, because quite frankly, I miss talking to you. Or typing to you I suppose.
God Bless.
xo,
Kayla
