Walking through the city, my lungs filled with a mixture of cat food and alcohol. Indeed not the best smell in the world but one distinct of many. The people roaming the area came from all types of economic binds. However the one I often see involves the lowest of low. The broken. The ones pushed aside. I see it in their eyes. The pain. The struggle. The unknown. 

The mixture of individuals on here is so prominent. The mother carrying the groceries, exhausted but still pushing to give her children a life better than the one she has endured. The ones that reek of alcohol with their head down. Contemplating what to do, wondering why their heart is still beating. The ones that enjoy the high because it's the only sense of relief they can endure. 

Their stare is one the compares to no other. Each of them have the same look. The look that pierces your soul. Each story is different but that look, man that look, is all but the same. 

She longs to be different, 

Because her greatest fear is that she could be her. 

Flesh and blood that created her and brought her to life is the same thing that has haunted her. 

How can one destroy such innocence? 

Has the medication and lust eaten her heart away? 

She sits and ponders what she means to her. 

Numbness has been replaced with her presence. 

A blockade is put up to push through the days. 

But it's when she stops and thinks, 

The desensitization creeps in. 

She's supposed to feel hatred and infuriation, 

 Something 

But she doesn't. 

 She doesn't feel.

 Everything is stagnate. 

The sadness makes its way, 

Only because she feels bad for not feeling at all.

A Boring Update

Good afternoon, reader. I have fantastic news! So you know how I'm always like "I'll write more to you reader, don't you worry" and then never do?Well a brilliant idea has come to mind. I got the blogger app on my phone! I know, I know. Genius, right? So this time, if I do not write when I say I am going to write, you may beat me up if you so desire. So, lets grab a cup of joe and tell me about your life, reader. Whats new? Hopefully things are going well with you and nothing too drastic has happened that I have missed out on. It's kind of weird that I address YOU when I don't even know who YOU are, so in turn this just makes me look like a psycho, talking to myself and what not. I can be very egotistical and talk about myself if you would like. Yeah? (insert your response which is hopefully a yes, if other answer exists, then just exit out of this blog) So my life. I've continued becoming an exercise nut and cut to a weight that I'm happy and satisfied with. 109lbs. Now I'd like to gain muscle, but I don't really know what I want to build to. Gaining weight scares me. I know it's for a purpose that would allow me to look even better but seeing that number go up on my scale is terrifying to me. If all goes as planned, I'm hoping to gain about five to ten pounds of muscle. Oh gosh. I don't like the sound of that. Today I started "bulking". Meaning I'm intaking a large amount of protein and still eating healthy but just adding excess protein. I started off my day with a protein shake, went to work for four and a half hours, went to chapel, got a Cliff bar which has a 10g of protein in it, went to class ate another Cliff bar and drank another protein shake after that class. Then I went to another class and now here I am, blogging to you. Live from the library. I should be working on homework but I've tuned that out for Monday. You see, Monday is my cheat day. And I think I have begun to apply that to schooling as well. What else has happened besides my new body? Just school basically has taken over my life. When I'm not sitting in class and doing homework, I'm at work and when I'm not at work, I'm working out and when I'm not working out, I'm most likely sleeping. That's basically my life. Oh yeah and I eat in that schedule as well. I did the color run last weekend. It was honestly the greatest time of my life. Well, not the greatest, but definitely one for the record books. It has forever been on my bucket list since I heard about it (whenever that was). Crossing that finish line was one of the best feelings though and then after you finish the color run, you get a packet of color, a headband, a protein bar and a bottle of water. Once you receive that, you go to this huge "rave" of fitness people and throw color at the color countdown and bond with strangers. It was so fun and if you have not done it, I recommend it. There were children running it, animals, great grandparents and even people in wheelchairs. So I don't think you have an excuse reader. Other than that, yeah nothing real lively and exciting has been happening. It's just more things that focus on fitness that have been altering the way I live. On a side note,I really can't wait to eat. My friends get out of class in 45 minutes and I swear the time has not changed for the past ten minutes. I haven't eaten anything solid as a meal today, outside of the cliff bars. I think I'm going to start doing something new for this blog. Sometimes I will update it, like I did in this one, and other times I'll just write randomly so don't expect these blogs to go in order any longer cause I'm changing it up on you, reader. In all seriousness though, throw some topics out there for me to write about. There's a little comment box below and I'd love to hear from you, mainly because I don't really know you yet you know me. A lot about me, actually. I hope your 2014 year is kicking off to a great start. We're already in February. Can you believe that?! Time does not slow down for anybody. I have an idea of my next entry for you, reader. So expect to hear from me again either tonight or tomorrow. But most likely tonight because blogging is by far more satisfying than homework will ever be. Until then.. xo,Kayla