Pandas & Stuff

Panda Bear.

Cute and overly cuddly bear or menace to society?

I suppose everyone's answer will differ but lets evaluate it.

Cute and overly cuddly bear analysis:

• They're black and white.
• They can be virtually any race. Think about it.. Black, White, Asian or even Mexican. (That is, if you feed pandas tacos.)
• Furry.
• Cute face.
• And kind to basically everything.

Menace to society

• Sharp teeth.
• Mysterious black eyes.
• And claws

I don't know where I'm going with this, reader.
So, I've been sick for the past like.. week. But I've still been going to school. I'm sure I've contributed my germs to the school and now more people will get sick and then it will be a master group of sickness.
Well, now I feel bad. :(
I'm watching movies on Lifetime. I love this station. They play the best movies. I keep sneezing. Every time before I sneeze, I recall an episode of Jimmy Neutron where these germs tickle your nose hairs and they're on a tour or something of the nose and... Wellllllll, just watch the episode because I'm starting to sound dumb.
I keep getting distracted so I'm going to depart so you do not have to suffer any longer.
God Bless.
xo, Kayla

Levels Of Boyfriends

1. Friend-Boy. The two of you are just friends.

2. Friend-Boy plus Unwanted Crush. You are just friends, but you can tell he likes you. It's highly annoying.

3. Friend-Boy plus Crush. You have a crush on him, but you're just friends. Sight. (NOTE: you are probably being highly annoying.)

4. Hopeless Crush. You long for him from afar. He doesn't know you exist.

5. Friend-Boy plus Mutual Attraction. You are just friends, but maybe there is something more in the air.

6. Flirtationship. More than friends. Less than a relationship.

7. Scamming Mate. You fool around, but you don't hangout. Ever.

8. Friends with Benefits.You fool around, and yu do hangout, but you are not going out.

9. Boyfriend. You are going out.

10. Serious Boyfriend. You can see a future. You borrow his shirts/sweatshirts.

Haaaaaay, Hey.

Have you ever though how life would be like if humans had no water and oxygen?
Quite a scary thought, isn't it?

But have you ever wondered how life would turn out if humans had no sense of humor.
The results would be a lot more disastrous.
Here's an example:
(Warning: Anything beyond this point may give nightmares. Continue at own risk.)

Person 1: Hey
Person 2: Hay is for Horses!
Person 1: I didn't say Hay, I said Hey! Hey and hay are not related, you dunce!
Person 2: ......

See my point?
But if you really think about it, hay isn't only for horses.
Hay is also for cows, sheep, pigs, chickens, goats, llamas, geese, bulls, giraffes, tigers and ducks.
Although not everyone eats it, right?
Hay is also for allergies, so technically speaking, it is also for people.

On the other hand, hey.. is only for people.
Kind of unfair in my opinon.

Be kind to animals. They share their hay so you should share yours too.
God bless.
xo, Kayla

Box

Have you ever noticed that life is getting harder the older you get? Not because you are getting smarter, or duller, nor is it because you now have 10 more kids to take care of compared to 5 years ago. (That's right, 5 sets of twins, one pair per year. Get yourself a TV series.) Yes, that's right, stop blaming those talkative co-workers, or that really attractive/handsome person across the street. Stop blaming the traffic jam blocking you from getting AWAY from the workplace. Stop blaming life, because it's really not life that's giving you the trouble, but rather, it's the circles around the boxes of your humanity.

Think about this:
Every morning, you wake up in a box to the sound of the loud beeping coming from another box. You sleepily attack the noisy box and slowly sit up in your box, rubbing your eyes (which hopefully are not boxes as well..). You sleepwalk into another box, hit the lights and spend about 10 minutes washing your face and brushing your teeth with the help of another box. Then you walk to yet another box, and find your clothes. When you're done with that box, you go downstairs and open a box to find objects of interest for your breakfast. You use another box to heat the objects you found in the box, and then you sit down at a box to eat. When you're done, you clean up and put all the dirty dishes in a box, then walk out your door. You go outside and get into a box, and spend the next 3 and a half hours stuck in a stream of boxes, where you exercise your complete vocabulary of rude and un-innocent words.
Sound familiar?
God bless.
xo, Kayla

Privacy?

So we've all seen this problem about privacy issues over the internet, especially with social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter and such. Users of such online programs worry about their "private" information, and are consistently complaining about how the information they put online including addresses, cell phone numbers, pictures, ect are/can be seen by potential strangers which increase the chance of getting stalked online or apparently in real life.
Now, this is all normal and good but lets take a step back and look at the bigger picture of all of this:
Say I have a secret like.. "I don't consume Oxygen." Obviously this is a huge secret for me. If this gets out to the general public, it could be dangerous because 1: News agencies and talk shows would all come after me, and 2: Scientists would be interested in cutting me open for scientific research.
Now say I was living 500 years ago. There wasn't internet back then but say I did have a best friend. So I go up to this friend one day and say "Hey listen. I have a huge secret, but because you're my friend I'll tell you. As long as you don't tell anyone else." and he/she/it goes like "Oh yeah? Well you can tell me, for sure. I won't tell anyone. Even if my life depended on it." So I tell my friend about my lack of oxygen consumption, then life continues.
Now say my friend and I get in an argument and now he/she/it decides to broadcast my secret to his/her/it's friends. They in turn spread the information to their friends. All of a sudden, my situation is out of control, my social rankings drop, my boyfriend hates me, my teachers refuse to accept me, my parents kick me out of the house and I get captured by evil scientists who want to cut me open for research.
Now, coming back to present day, say I have the same secret, but this time my friend has a name that goes by "Facebook". So one day I'm at the store with Facebook, and I decide, since I think Facebook is a good friend, that I'll tell him/her/it my secret. (Gosh, if Facebook doesn't start using the bathroom, you will never know what gender it is.) So I go: "Hey man, I've got this highly piece of secretive information, but I think you're an important friend to me, so I think you have the right to know.", and then Facebook goes: "Well, if you're comfortable with saying it, by all means, I'll love to hear. Just sign here and here and remember that I'm only human." So I tell him/her/it my information and life continues.
The next day I wake up to the FBI and scientists at my door.
In all seriousness, if I had a choice, I would rather talk to Facebook than my friend in the first example. I mean, I fully trust my friend, but they still betrayed me nevertheless. Facebook actually told me (Terms and Conditions) that my information might not be too safe if I told him/her/it. Yes, nobody actually reads allllllll that stuff, it's really simply there to remind you that the internet isn't perfect or airtight or 100% secretive (aka it's not quite as awesome as you think it is.)
The problem here, however, still goes back to the definition of the word "private". When I told my friend that I lacked oxygen, was my secret still "private" information? Once someone other than me knows the information, I'm completely at the mercy of others. My secret is no longer private, so when my friend tells this information to someone else, that's not an invasion of privacy. Granted, I should have gone to a better friend, but he/she/it wasn't invading my privacy, simply because the information is no longer private. They don't have the right to keep that information private because I'm the one that began to spread it.
The same thing happens over the internet. Social networking sites such as Facebook, rely on you giving it information. Kind of like a friend. When you enter anything (date of birth, contact information, ect.) you are technically telling Facebook this information. It's no longer private information. When Facebook in turn broadcasts this information to the general public, they're not invading your privacy, they're just playing a very accurate version of broken telephone.
I think the main reason people have with this so-called "privacy" infrigement online is because of the sheer size of it. If my friends told their friends about me, my information still won't get very far. When Facebook tells other users about me, this information is available worldwide. (Of course it still won't get very far simply because people wouldn't care.)
So next time you see someone complaining about their "lack of privacy" over the interenet, remember: what they're actually saying is:
"Oh My Gawd! You know my friend? She told everyone about what I told her about my plastic surgery! And I told her to keep it a secret! I mean, yeah, I told like, 7 of my other friends, my neighbor, the old lady down the street, and my boss about it too, but I told them to NOT tell anyone, so it was STILL a secret!!"
See what I mean?
God bless.
xo, Kayla

Dos

Session 2: Rules for Dating in a Small School

(NOT gonna lie.. I break these rules quite often. But it's whatever.)

1. Don't kiss in any small, enclosed space. It annoys everyone.

2. Don't let your boyfriend walk with his hand on your butt, either. It's even more annoying than kissing.

3. If your friend has no date for a dance and you already have one, you must do reconnaissance work and find out who might be available to take your friend.

4. Never, ever, kiss someone else's official boyfriend. If your status is unclear, ask around and find out. Don't necessarily believe the boy on this question. Double check your facts.

5. If your friend has already said she liked a boy, don't you go liking him too. Shes got dibs.

6. That is-unless you're certain it is truly "meant to be". Because if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and who are we to stand in the way of true love?

7. Don't ignore your friends if you've got a boyfriend. This school is too small for us not to notice your absence.

8. Tell your friends every little detail. Okay, maybe not every detail.

God bless.
Xo, Kayla

A New Series I'm Working On :)

(ATTENTION: All ________'s refer to someone's name that has been taken out.)

Session 1: The Care and Ownership of Boobs

(A subject important to our study of the male humanoid animal because the boobs, if properly deployed, are like giant boy magnets attached to your chest.
Or smallish boy magnets.
Or medium.
Depending on your endowment.
But boy magnets. That is the point.
They are magnets, we say, magnets!)

1. If you jiggle, wear a bra. This means you. (Yes, you.) It is not anti-feminist, girls. It is more comfy and keeps the boobs from getting floppy.

2. No matter how puny your frontal equipment, don't wear the kind with the giant pads inside. If a guy squeezes them, he will wonder why they feel like Nerf balls instead of boobs. And if you forget and wear a normal bra one day, everyone will then speculate on the strange expanding and contracting nature of your boobage.

3. A helpful hint: For optimal shape, go in the bathroom stall and hike them up inside the bra.

4. Do not perform the above maneuver in public, no matter how urgent you think it is.

5. Do not go topless in anyone's hot tub. Remember how _______ had to press her chest against the side of the _______'s tub for forty five minutes when _______ and his friends came home? Let that be a lesson for you. (Yes, you.)

6. Do not sunbathe topless either, unless you're completely ready to have sunburnt boobs whose skin will never be the same again. (Reference: _______, even though she swears she used sunblock) or unless you want to be yelled at by your mother for exposing yourself to the neighbors. (Reference: _______, even though really, no one saw and the neighbors were away on vacation.)

God bless.

xo, Kayla

And As The Night Falls, Clarity Comes.

"We feel the cold. And so we hold. The mental frames.. Of something old."

I haven't blogged in a while.. I'm sorry. A lot has been going on to say the least. And now my summer is just about over and school awaits right around the corner. I've been writing a lot though this summer. However, I've lacked to read my 3 books for AP english. I guess I should start sometime since school starts in around 2 weeks or something. But I get my wisdom teeth out on Monday. So.. maybe I'll read them then. Or do you sleep a lot once they're out? Either way I need to start reading them. Good thing I have Spark Notes for all of them. Boy oh boy am I a little smartie pants :)
I feel as though I get deeper into thought once night falls. I seem to never have much to say during the day but then the sun goes down and BOOM. It's like I'm some lovely genius that has many things on her mind.
Lets see.
RANDOM FACTS.
-In the average life span, a person will walk approximately 5 times around the equator.
-Odontophobia is the fear of teeth. (...awkward is all I have to say.)
-Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours a day.
-Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump.
-The international dialing code for Antarctica is 672.
RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME.
-I like watermelon.
-My legs are always shaved.
-I'm really self conscious about my body.
-I trust only a few people.
-I hate wearing shorts but I do anyway.
-Avian Sunrise will forever and always be my favorite band in the whole world.
-I've lost more friends to death then I thought I ever would.
-I feel alone in a room full of people.
-I think that at the end of a rainbow is a leprechaun handing you Skittles.
-I'm a strong addict to Sour Patch Kids and cupcakes.
-I'm barely 5'1.

I'm listening to Avian Sunrise right now. And I seriously could listen to them forever. If they were the only band I was allowed to listen to, I'd be perfectly content with life. Even though I'm in a sad mood, I decided to try and keep this a tad upbeat. Sorry it wasn't very informative, reader. But I still hope that you keep on following me and reading these. I'll start blogging more.

"Run.. Away.. With me.. Into the night.."

Much Love.
God Bless.
xo, Kayla

Come Back Home

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk8J-Ggm98U&feature=related

Cold..
Comes crashing through the door.
Perfect pictures..
Shattered on the floor.
You wanted to say..
"Am I worth dying for..?"
But you hold it in..

Sigh..
Let it incubate.
Go to war..
A chance to mediate.
You swear..
It's better than the current state.
So you say..

Come back home..
Come back home..
You're all I've known.
Come back home..
Come back home..
You're all I've known..

Try again..
A canvas with higher hopes.
It's not long..
'Til you're at each others throats.
A push..
And pull to stay afloat.
Somehow..

When you were home..
You're home..
All alone..
You used to be home..
What is home..?
When you're alone..

If only for heaven sake..
It's always been give and take..
A reason for this mistake.
You give, you give, you give..
You give and don't expect the take..
You'd give your life for what's at stake..
You'd give until you break..
You give until you break..
'Til you break..
'Til you break...

Start again..
This time a different place.
Don't need a doctor..
To build a better brace.
So you throw on..
Your bravest face..
..this time..

In two hours and 45 minutes.. it'll be a month, Kendall...
..I miss you..

xo, Kayla..

Miracle

"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle."

I was in a car accident yesterday. I realized the only thing that saved my life was.. God. A friend and I were driving. We drove to a gas station. Got something to drink. Started heading back to my house. There was a deer. And we tried avoiding it. We swerved and fell about four feet off the road. Rolled into a ditch. And ended up at the barb wire fencing. We were wearing our seatbelts and we are both okay. The only thing is that I'm in some pain. I have some bruises and my face and neck hurts a little. My lower back hurts a lot more than anything. Anyways, I'm okay. No fractures or bones broken. Promise :) To be honest, I wasn't scared when we were rolling. I was more scared when we stopped and all of the doors were enclosed by tall grass so we couldn't get out. I started having an anxiety attack and we had to crawl out of a window. The cops didn't show up for 45 minutes which was just.. ridiculous in my opinion. Anyways, I suppose I just wrote this blog as an update since I haven't blogged in a little while. Sorry my creativity skills are lacking in my blog entries. I will try and spice them up for you, reader :) So, stay reading. And give me some feedback on my entries :)
Hope you're having a good day.
God Bless.
xo, Kayla

"We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness."

Matt

Well.. a certain kid thought I should blog about him this evening so I suppose I should listen to what I was told. Did I just say that..? I think I did. Oh goodness.
So lets talk about this boy who wanted a WHOLE ENTIRE blog to himself. (So selfish!) Anyways, his name is Matt.
This is supposed to be a good blog or else he'll probably beat me up. Which would be.. well bad considering I'm gonna be a sumo wrestler and all so, I'd basically have the advantage.
La da da.
So this Matt boy. He's a nice fellow. Minus his selfishness, ya know since he wanted a whole blog entry. Anyways, him and I have been talking for a little while and he's insanely sweet. And funny. (Even though I'm funnier. Ask him. My jokes are great.) He's gone through a lot and we are similar in completely different ways. Ya know how that goes? When someone can be so similar to you but yet so different? Like you both can relate even though you've been through completely different situations and experiences? Well.. that's kinda how he is to me. However, he has this fantastic art ability. I wish I had it. My artistic talent sucks balls. It's so bad. I sent him a picture of a stick person and he asked if it was a penis. So.. does that tell you how awful I am? If not.. well, I don't really know what to tell you, reader.
I wish he didn't live so far away to be perfectly honest. Because I want to hangout with him. He used to live in the same town as me. But we both just kinda met each other late in the game. I suppose distance doesn't matter when it comes to friendships though. Maybe I'll just randomly show up in Texas someday.
Wait, no. That would be really creepy and weird if I just showed up. So.. uhh.. scratch that idea.
I don't even know what else I'm supposed to blog about when it comes to just talking about one person. I feel highly creepy and awkward boasting about someone. Even though he deserves to be boasted about.
Gosh. Maybe I'm just making this awkward for myself. I think I'm just an awkward person. And I need to stop using the word awkward.
Kay, so anyways. Yeah, here you go Matt.
Sorry this entry really sucked. I hope you still want to be friends. If not, well.. I understand :P
Thanks for reading.
God Bless.
xo, Kayla

Unique

Hello reader.
I realize my last blog was sad. So I will try and spice this one up with some positive content. I'm listening to Born This Way by Lady Gaga. And I basically love the song. Honestly, I love Lady Gaga in general. People may think she's weird or just way out there but in all reality, she empowers people because even though she's "weird" she doesn't care what people think yet she adores the people who love her.

"I'm beautiful in my way. Cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track. Baby, I was born this way. Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set. I'm on the right track. Baby, I was born this way."

I mean, those just seem like some great lyrics right there. And she writes her own music which I love about artists. I can respect an artist so much more when they write their own stuff. And even though she is different then other people.. the adjective is more like unique because she is a role model for many. Anyways, I don't know what the point was with this blog. So I'm going to awkwardly leave.
God Bless.
xo, Kayla
kbye.

Don't Forget...

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you and whispered "come to me".
with tearful eyes we watched you , and saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay...
A gold heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best.

It's been a week. A week since everything has happened. I'm not going to go into detail but basically a guy named Kendall Jerrod Cressman died last Sunday. Gosh. I can't believe it still to this day. I've written some stuff on his wall. Like the follwing.

"you always were cracking jokes.. and lately things have been rough before i even found out. you always made everyone smile. i could really use a smile right now.. i'll be there friday.. "
(Friday was the funeral..)

"today was so hard.. i didn't even know what to do.. i never thought i could experience the same pain i felt at lyndseys funeral but i did.. it all came back today though.. seeing you today laying there unresponsive seemed so unreal or maybe it was too real.. i don't know.. but all i know is you didn't want to leave.. just like lyndsey.. you should be here.. your smile is forever engraved in my memory.. please comfort lyndsey up there, crack a joke and make her smile.. miss you.."

"two days ago, i was at your house. we all told stories about you. i told everyone about the story of your face. remember i'd always glance over at you? well.. you never caught on to the fact that i thought you were insanely cute. yet you were so convinced there was something on your face. you thought i'd lie to you everytime i told you nothing was there. :P you and lyndsey be with everyone today at graduation.. i miss you guys.. and by the way, i know i always told you Yankees were better than the Twins but now i'll be paying more attention to the Twins. just for you."

We all went to a candlelight vigil Friday night. And gosh.. little Calvin. He is so adorable. He looks just like Kendall. Kendall's mom is the sweetest lady ever. His whole family is. Kendall and I weren't great friends. But we had little memories together. We used to argue about baseball because he was a die hard Twins fan while I was a Yankees fan. He loved pandas so I would always bring up koala bears and how they were so much cuter. He loved apples and would take the apple stickers off and stick them in the most random places. He stuck one on the back of his moms ipod. And she still has it there. I had the biggest crush on Kendall and like I said in the story above.. he always thought there was something on his face even though there never was. He was so sweet to everyone and always was giving people hugs and making them smile. And now.. today is graduation. And him along with Lyndsey will not be graduating and it breaks my heart because both of them should be.. neither of them wanted to leave.. and i wish more than anything that they were here and could come back.


"I never thought I could experience the pain I once felt at Lyndsey's funeral ever again.. however, that happened again today.. your smile is forever engraved in my mind Kendall Jerrod Cressman. Panda bears, apples and baseball just won't be the same.."

We thought about you with love today. But that's nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday. And days before that too.
We think of you in silence. We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories. And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake. With which we'll never part.
God has you in his keeping. We have you in our heart.

Late Nights Make Me Think Too Much

Why don't I blog much anymore..? I suppose I never feel I have anything utterly important to say. I don't know who even reads these. I always said I wanted to write strictly to just you, reader but considering I never blog much anymore.. I don't feel I'm doing my job. I don't even know why I'm deciding to blog at 1.08am. I'm sure this won't get posted for a much longer time then when I started this. I hope this doesn't bore you. I've come to the realization that I need to have a topic for every blog I start because it's highly embarrassing when I start to type and have no idea as to what I'm even going to talk about.
I suppose I should just jump into what has been on my mind lately. It's a touchy subject. But.. cancer. That deadly word has been constantly on my mind. It seems to be everywhere. On the radio, television, internet and now my brain. Cancer is an awful disease and is said to be incurable. Yet it's also said that every human has this so called "disease" throughout their body.. some just developing more than others. I don't understand this. I've come to ponder about what everyone is exposed to that could cause this somehow. Two things have stuck out to me. One, simply being the air quality. Lets face it.. the air is crap. All of this lovely oxygen that keeps us alive is filled with pollution and smog. But then something else came to mind. What about the food we eat..? Food is something every human needs to consume. It is not an option. Well, farmers spray chemicals on crops. There's preservatives in food and unneeded fat. The chemicals and "toxins" that don't kill people are used very much in everything we eat. It's a logical explanation in my mind. Maybe I just talk and think too much when it's late. I really should go.
And Sam, if you're reading this.. which you probably are ;P.. i will skype you later today. Promise. You don't wear the pants, shorts, Hanes nor belt. Kay? "Okay, Kayla:)"
Goodnight reader.

Think..

"A golden moment's come to pass, and it made a swift goodbye. Waved it's hand from left to right, saying bye, farewell, goodnight. But it left me brave and bold like the knights of ages past, leaving courage like the dawn leaves dew upon the grass."

Today, in a class of mine, there were a group of people talking about how if they were to commit suicide they would go out with a bang and shoot up a school or something. Then there were jokes being made about suicide and all I could do was gaze at them.. and somehow just hold back my thoughts. I wanted to yell at them. Then.. there was a kid today who sat next to me and pretended to act "emo" by getting a pencil and lightly drawing on his arm like there were cuts on it. He then proceeded to make a joke about it and was like.. "wow, this is what I would look like if I was an emo freak."

I somehow held back my tears when these comments were said. I immediately thought of myself and Lyndsey and another friend of mine. Depression just isn't something that people should be making jokes about. Maybe they didn't mean any harm about it.. but it's just the matter of the principal. I don't think that's something to publicly joke about. Maybe I just overreact too much? Maybe I just am an oversensitive person? I don't really know how to even describe myself. All I know is I deal with much anxiety. I get worried over little things and I honestly can't help it. I can't change who I am. People insist others calm down when they have all this anxiety in them. But that tends to sometimes make people worse..

I don't know if I'm even making sense. I'm probably not. I never seem to lately.
My head is pulsing. I've been having the worst headaches ever lately. It's getting really old. But so are these wicked, awesome stomach pains I've had for 10 months located below my sternum. I have to go to a gastric intestine doctor.. urrr.. stomach doctor basically. On Wednesday.. I'm going to be admitted at the hospital at 7.45 am. Then get an ultra-sound done on my gallbladder. I'm not sure how long that will take. Anyways, then in April.. I get to go to the lovely(sense the sarcasm?) OR and get a scope put in me to figure out what is wrong. I'm really nervous and scared despite what others have told me. I told you... I worry too much. I just.. can't stand hospitals. I can't stand anything about them. The way their main color is a pale white, the way it smells or the fact that there are millions of hand sanitizers everywhere throughout the huge building(s). Then these doctors try to be all cheery and positive. Yeah.. no. But at the same time.. I find it strange that people are getting helped there.. yet also passing away, getting told bad news.. it just puts me in a trance. .
God Bless.
xo, Kayla